Dear Abby: My sister cheated on her husband of 40 years – so we should forgive her?

Dear ABBY: My older sister had a relationship with an old boyfriend that lasted a few months. She was 58 years old and had been married for 38 years. Her husband, who is a wonderful person and the father of their three grown children, forgave her. He is a devout Catholic and divorce was out of the question. She has made every effort to apologize to her husband and children and fix the problems in her marriage.

The ongoing problem is her eldest child (a daughter, 35) who is unwilling to forgive and seems to hate her mother now. My granddaughter refuses to have any kind of relationship with her mom. This situation is so painful for my sister that it is destroying her. Please give any advice. – SAD IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BROKEN: Your sister’s husband and two other grown children have forgiven their mother for the affair. No one can force the girl to admit that her mother, like many others, has flaws. People make mistakes. Your sister will have to move on with her life and hope that as this daughter matures, she will learn to forgive as God forgives most of us after we repent.

Dear ABBY: I am a foster carer and have been since I was 13 years old. I will soon be 54. I have taken care of my sister since our parents passed away almost 20 years ago. I am seriously considering putting her in a nursing home because she is starting to need more care and I have some health issues myself.

We have brothers and sisters who promise to help take care of her and give me a break, but they haven’t. I am married. Both my sons are grown and out of the house, living their own lives. Should I feel guilty or not? – OBLIGATION IN A JERSEY

DEAR DUTIES: I don’t think so. Now is the time to take care of yourself. You have done more than you should to take care of your sister. If she needs assisted living, your siblings should step up, at least, to share the cost since they have done nothing else in the past to help.

Dear ABBY: I am the stepmother of a beautiful woman whom I love very much. She has given us three beautiful nieces and a handsome nephew. Sadly, my husband has a rare and aggressive form of cancer, and it looks terminal. My question is, after his death, will I continue to be a stepfather?

I know it most likely depends on her, but I’m curious about the proper protocol. This will help me determine how I present it to others. Will she always be my stepmother, or will she become my late husband’s daughter? – UNKNOWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNKNOWN: When it comes to love, rules don’t matter. This conversation is premature. After your husband’s funeral, ask his daughter what she would like to be called in the future and reassure her that you love her as if she were your own natural child and would not want to use any label that would make her feel less than. that.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.